This is How I Like Them Apples

I'm reading Apple: A History of Canada's Perfect Fruit by Carol Martin. I'm still at the beginning, but it's a great story of the apple, wild and cultivated, including which varieties were native to Canada and how different varieties got here. So that naturally led to more googling, and I found the following (emphasis mine):

From Apple Journal regarding Red Delicious:

The most controversial and widely distributed American apple. Red Delicious stores and ships so well, while retaining its shiny deep-red good looks, that it is sold in every possible state of internal disintegration. Too often, store bought Reds are little more than cardboard flavored, mealy mush beneath their glamorous skin. Still, Americans continue to buy it more than all other varieties combined. It can be a pretty good apple under the right conditions. Look for locally grown apples in season, and don't insist on a uniformly dark red color, and the chances of getting a better apple will improve in your favor. Many growers are now growing strains that have been developed more for flavor than for looks. Don't defeat their efforts by rejecting apples that don't look as though they came from a plastic injection molding machine. Remember this simple rule- art is a matter of visual esthetics and food is a matter of taste- not the other way around.

The problem is now the consumers of Red Delicious (whoever they are) are used to seeing perfect-looking shiny fruit. Re-introducing a more Delicious, but less Red apple will likely be an uphill battle.

Apple Journal seems to be somewhere between a trade journal and a promotional site. At any rate, I couldn't agree more with the description above. I never buy Red Delicious, partly 'cause they're too sweet, but mostly 'cause there's no way to tell a good from a bad one. Too much googling and now I'm daydreaming about orchards full of heirloom strains like Snow and Court Pendu Plat.

*
Update: More on the "Keep Calm" poster soon!

Atwood's Not Going to Dubai

Margaret Atwood has decided not to go to Dubai for the Emirate Airlines International Festival of Literature. The Gulf Between Us, written by Geraldine Bedell, contains mention of a gay Sheik and his English boyfriend as minor characters and has been banned in the UAE.

According to The Guardian (and you can guess how much store I put by The Guardian),

In a letter to Isobel Abulhoul, the festival's director, Atwood wrote that "as an international vice-president of Pen, an organisation concerned with the censorship of writers, I cannot be part of the festival this year".

This year? Like "I'll be specific and diplomatic, 'cause I'm Canadian and polite" or "Just wait till I'm done with this PEN thing"?

I'm surprised that so many authors agreed to go, without suspecting that something like this would happen.

Statements from other authors and the Director of English PEN here.

I do have a problem with Penguin waiting five months on this news - coughpublicitycough, but I have a bigger problem with this from The Times Online:

Sir Ranulph Fiennes said the festival organisers were merely being practical. “I think that if anybody out there wants to establish a festival of some sort, they would be rather stupid to offend the locals in any way.”

Hm, well, then don't have an "international" festival. Or set the guidelines ahead of time - "nothing may happen in your book that is punishable by UAE law in real life". The Toronto Film Festival offends locals annually. This quote, if it's real, makes the explorer sound like a spoiled fool who has never given too much thought to freedom because he's had the money to open doors. I respect him for his SAS training and charity work, but there's a difference between "not offending the locals" when they're going to help you find the next wadi, and "not offending the locals" at a festival of literature. Also, does he speak for the gay locals? Or did I miss something - is the UAE, like Iran, not home to any homosexuals?

Blog Bookkake has listed agent contacts for the authors that are attending, as well as a link to a facebook protest group. (Don't blame me for their blog name!)

Unfortunately, now I feel compelled to read "The Gulf Between Us" when it becomes available and it doesn't even look like my cup of tea.

Message, Medium, Musing on Originality

I saw this print on Etsy. Someone had taken a vintage WWII poster and printed it on archival paper in modern colours. I thought it was amazing. I instantly wanted it on yellow. I even emailed the artist (who I thought must be brilliant) to ask if I could please feature a photo on my blog. (I got no reply.)Then I realized I was late to the party. The BBC had already written a story about this poster. Apparently it was printed up on the eve of WWII, but never distributed (why not?). A bookstore owner found one in a book, showed it to his wife and they framed it for their shop. They were inundated with requests for copies. They made a few. One was featured in a holiday gift guide and according to the article, "all hell broke loose". The print I find now on Etsy (from Lisbon), beside being different than the one I originally found on Etsy (from Kentucky), is not only not original, but is riding a wave that has only just reached my shore. BoingBoing blogged it in 2007! There are not only prints available, but now also keychains and pendants and t-shirts. (The t-shirt seller has a photo of a ragged allegedly original poster. You have to scroll down.)

Naturally, the abundance of copies has spawned alternate versions and parodies, like Keep Calm and Carry Guns.

If you're interested in the typeface, consensus seems to be that it was hand-lettered, possibly Johnson or Gill.

Now that I've seen so many version I can't even read it properly anymore - I'm seeing "Kelp Balm" etc. And in the fashion of an indie music snob, who must leap off the "bandwagon" once others are on, I don't want one so badly anymore. I want this this one instead:

There are other incredible posters from WWII (and WWI and others) at the Imperial War Museum in England.

Some more treasures from the IWM are Eat Greens For Health, 6 Reasons Why YOU Should Save and Bad Form in Dress. Can you tell I picked the ones that most apply to me?!

FYI - proceeds from the IWM shop go to support the museum's charitable works, so buy your kids this and teach them a thing or two. (Now, now, I know your children are very smart, keep calm).

Motivation

I signed up for a feed of articles from the Guide to Literary Agents blog and today that included a link to a Writer's Digest article about discipline. I particularly liked the following:

• Don't make a setback about merit ("I'm not good enough"), but about production ("I could be doing more").

At first I read that to be "don't let a setback about merit be about production" - and I actually prefer that. Rather than reframing my setbacks, I'd rather ignore the "I'm not good enough" (because that pops up every Tuesday and Thursday) and focus on "well, I won't improve by not writing, so I guess I'll keep writing".

Or like the quote my sister picked up somewhere: "Thou has not to like it, thou has just to do it".

Who Am I and What Do I Write, Part IV

"Novels are concealed autobiography": Insofar as writing goes, the writer's fundamental attempt is to understand the meaning of his own experiences. If he can't break through to those issues that concern him deeply, he's not going to be very good.

- Robert Penn Warren

from Good Advice on Writing: Great Quotations from Writer's Past and Present on How to Write Well

Reading

Right now I'm reading:

Gilded Lilies - was in the graphic novel section of the library, but seems more like collected sketches (Jillian Tamaki)
Good Advice on Writing - out of print compilation of quotations (William Safire and Leonard Safir)
Thierry Mugler - part of the Universe of Fashion series (Francois Baudot)
Heat - I'm listening to the audio-book from the library and I am dismayed to see it is abridged. The hardcover is available now on super sale! (Bill Buford)
The Far Euphrates - finished this. It was moving and elegant and I recommend it. I bought it on clearance, but now find that it's apparently out of print, which is strange. (Aryeh Lev Stollman)

Computer-Purses

I swear to you this is true. About 10 years ago, I said something like "one day computers will get so small, they'll be purses". Not fit in purses - I meant open up and look like purses.

And here they are!

Now, if there was a sliding slot to hide your bank/credit cards and an insulated tab that would pop out and hold lip gloss, we'd be all set!

Pies - they're just like us!

Via Wendy Brandes Jewelry blog I discovered Cakespy - where they are "seeking sweetness in everyday life".

They put together a very cute pie tabloid - as a way to promote pies in the media battle against perenially popular cupcakes.

I love pie and I love this goofy send-up.

That Book from your Childhood

Loganberry Books is a bookstore in Ohio that also sells books online.
Even better, proprietess Harriett offers an amazing service called Stump the Bookseller.

So you know that book you loved as a child, but all you can remember was that it had a girl and a white pony, and the pony's name was snowball or snowdrop or something - and oh yeah, there was a really wicked witch in it?*

Well, you send Harriet $2 via Paypal and a description of the book. She, and various readers who are librarians or teachers, or just book-lovers like me, search and write in with info to help you out. If Harriet finds the book for you she'll get it and you can buy it.

What is most amazing about this site is not the joy when the book is found, but the sheer number of stories people remember from their childhoods. I love that a book can be out of print since 1923 and yet, someone was so touched by an element of the story that they will remember it (and look for it) 50 years later. It is a beautiful testament to the power of stories and how they continue to move and inspire, delight (or creep out) years after you first read or hear them.

* Reading descriptions of books with the keyword "witch" reminded me of the title for the out-of-print (and now quite pricey) The Wickedest Witch in the World which I thought had been lost in my subconscious forever! Author Beverly Nichols was apparently a gentleman.

Brownie Points Foodie Blog

"McAuliflower" is a visual artist, a foodie, and a blogger.

I'm about to add "Brownie Points" to my Cook/Eat blog links. I will probably never attempt any of her recipes, but she astounds me with this Rice-Krispie-based sweet sushi! Go look at her level of dedication!

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fodder

No fodder, really. I'm just busy with life, applications to school programs, etc. right now. I'll have more to blog in a week or so. If you have any info on good "writing progress graphs" I can use to embed on this blorg, let me know.

Have a gorgeous Valenschmine's Day and don't buy any marked-up flowers! If you must, consider Organic Bouquet. I could tell you to be frugal and buy a bouquet of beets and carrots, but I've always liked the hyacinths philosophy.

Things I Call My Cat Besides Her Real Name

This is a meme I stole from Marla at Weight and Paint.

Sattie-Pants
Sattie-Pie-Pants
Turnip
Racoon
Bum
Monkey
Punky
OWowOWowowowOW-getoffa-meebrat!
Satoush
Hey!You-can-see-in-the-dark!
Sasa
Shasha
Shasha Bread Company (they make ginger snaps, don't ask)
Cutie-Pie

Names I just thought of but have never really called her:
Tortie-lini
Squeaker
Botox ('cause she has pale eyebrows that make her look perpetually worried)

Her real name is Saturn. Yes, she's a girl. When I adopted her, she was called Franny. I bet you didn't know that.

Query Letters

Taking another stab at writing a query letter for agent submission feels about as fun as taking a stab at my own gut with a rusty knife.

Naturally, I can't just go ahead and start writing it. I must read everything anyone ever wrote on the inturwebz about query letters first.

You can join me!

Agent Query
So You Wanna (Write a Query Letter)
Nelson Literary Agency advice
The author of "The Art of Kissing" dishes query letter advice*
Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent, on how she likes her query letters
Poewar, a blog, on the QL
eHow makes it look easy.

Plus all the links to agents, etc., I have on the side over there.

So, if you would just read all those, summarize and send me a 1-page synopsis by tomorrow, that would be great, thanks.

Yeah, yeah, back to work, I know. But you can't expect me to write a query letter without breakfast. I'm sure I'll write a spectacular letter that will entrance agents and garner me huge advances... just as soon as I've had some brioche french toast and another cup of coffee.

*I don't make this stuff up, I just google it.

I don't like you, Hugo Chavez

Back in October I made a facebook comment:

First they came for the McDonald's, and I didn't speak up, because I didn't eat at McDonald's.

But don't worry, Venezuala's moved on from harassing McDonald's. They've moved on to desecrating synagogues.

Oh yes, I know Chavez is quoting as "condemning the act" - forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical.

And while I'm at it, Ben Cohen expresses himself better than I would on Fatima Hajaig's anti-semitic comments. Ah, Jewish money! If we have it all, who's building Dubai?!

Wherein Fictionally Tries a Poll

poll by twiigs.com

Carrot Cake Reward (with rum-soaked apricots, hello!)

I worked on my application. Hurrah! (It's an application so I can goes to a school where they teaches people how to makes good writering.)
Now I can look forward to making this amazing-sounding Chocolate Carrot Cake tomorrow or Monday. It is from the Foodland Ontario website, to promote carrot consumption (among other vegetables). 1/16th of this cake will contain 28 grams of fat. I'm okay with that.

*photo of carrosts stolen from Foodland Ontario website (but it's okay, 'cause I bought Canadian carrots today)

PROfessionalCRASTINATION!

I am a good-to-great procrastinator. Oh, why be modest? I excel at it. I am better than you at it.

I even have the Planner (or Non-Planner) for the Creative Procrastinator.

So tonight as I dawdled the last three hours or so, staving off the raging anxiety that is accompanying current project-in-progress, I finally opened up Word and began.

I thought, perhaps I can look to some trusty heros for inspiration. Dolly's just a bit too successful and hard-working to really motivate me at the moment. You can tell she doesn't even know how to procrastinate. But what about Merle?Aw, yeaaah - that's more like it! Truancy, petty crime, serious time, drinking & drugs, 3 broken marriages? Yeah. Still a genius and a living legend? Yeah!

See? All I did was surf the web and eat chocolate ice cream. I could be at the bottom of a bottle of rye right now... out in the park! I'm ahead of the game. I knew it. This writing stuff is easy-peasy.

Phew.

**Merle image "borrowed" from site that has compiled his whole discography. Merle has also recovered from a recent lung tumour removal and is touring again. God Bless!

Advice

Seriously, if you are single and childless, don't go reading mom-blogs just 'cause you can't sleep.

Yes, the moms may be witty and smart and hilarious, their children may be adorable and brilliant and well-behaved, but you will allow a tiny worm of fear into your heart and it will crawl into your brain and it will say OMG NEVER EVER HAVE CHILDREN AAAAAAGH!

And really, why put yourself through this if you're already single and childless, hmmm?

I may or may not be speaking from recent experience.


shiver

Leave the Moon Alone

Lunar Property Rights, in a Popular Mechanics article by Glenn Reynolds (the Instapundit), is the kind of topic which leaves me deeply uneasy and anxious.

I want the moon to stay off-limits to human habitation. Am I going to need (to make a gazillion dollars) to buy the whole thing up just to prevent you from living there?

Despite the science fiction I've read, I don't really want to live on the moon. Not with the rest of humanity there too. (I'd make an exception for you, of course.)

Ok, I confess, it's not that I don't want to live there - it's that I don't want to spoil the view from here!

Don't Get Me Wrong, Some of My Best Fiction is Science!

David Barnett present a good article (with a great title) about one of my personal bete-noirs: science fiction that refuses to be labeled so.

This annoyed me when Philip K. Dick moved from the Science Fiction section to the Fiction section at the store, 'cause he had "moved into the literary cannon", as my teacher at the time said. I call foul. His work is, was, and will always be science fiction - so why does he get "elevated" to the Fiction aisle, while Harlan Ellison stays in the Science Fiction section? (Did it have more to do with the movie "Minority Report" coming out at the time?)

What puts Oryx and Crake in Fiction? Is Margaret Atwood better than Octavia Butler? Puh-leeze.

Science Fiction, or SF, gets a bad rap because of it's hokey genre associations. Mystery novels, however, don't attract the same disrespect. You can write genre mystery or literary mystery, and your work will be in the mystery aisle with no one pooh-poohing it either way. But if you happen to have a science fiction slant to your novel, then your publisher will take great pains to keep it quarantined from the Science Fiction/Fantasy section. It's just snobbery and makes me grumpy. (As I mentioned a few posts ago, Jonathan Lethem's book was SF marketed as "literary" and still crap.)

I'd be quite happy to do away with most of the categories in the bookstore starting with "Books for Her" tables and "African-American" shelves. I don't like ghettos for people or for the written word.

Spider Robinson wrote an article once delineating between what he writes, "science fiction", and that other, silly genre stuff, "sci-fi". To me, it was a meaningless distinction. (Sorry, I can't find it to post.) IMO, the cream will rise to the top no matter what you call it, and people will gravitate to whatever stories they want in the moment. You could put Anna Karenina in the Romance section and no one's gonna mistake it for The Greek Tycoon's Virgin Wife!

There is a lot of good science fiction out there - Heinlein, Willis, Butler, Robinson, Varley, Hopkinson, and Ellison are just a few. So for "mainstream" authors to write science fiction and then shirk the label does a disservice to all the great SF out there. Why are we still at the not that there's anything wrong with that stage? If, as an author, writing SF is an aberration for you, it would be much classier to say, "There's a lot of excellent science fiction out there, and I'm proud of the company my book is in".

What do you think? Does it matter to you if it's called science fiction, sci-fi, or speculative fiction? If you had to get your Murakami fix from the SF section, would you be caught dead there? What about vampire fiction - is it going to demand its own section in the basement?

The Most Beautiful Words in the English Language

This website has compiled a list of the 100 most beautiful words in the English language.

There are many good words in there, but few that make me swoon lexically. (Lexically is a word, because I say so.) Some of my faves from their list are chatoyant, champagne, and chiaroscuro, which are hardly English. Also, I think eschew and fugacious are hideous words, but they're in the top 100.

I wonder too, how much meaning influences our love of a word? Are gossamer, effervescent, and halcyon really pretty words, or are they pretty because of the images they conjure? If effervescent meant "sewage-drain", and gossamer meant "blood-stained", would we elevate these words so much?

"Listen, I can fix it for ya, but it'll take a couple o' days before the toilet drains properly into the effervescent."

or

"The forensics team had left, leaving McBain alone with his thoughts and the gruesome gossamer walls."

Hm?

Moot Point

I'm a little late to the party, obviously, but I just discovered these. Women's Wear Daily asked various designers to submit inaugural fashion designs for First Lady Michelle Obama (and her daughters), and published their mostly fabulous illustrations here.

I would seriously wear almost all of those designs (one at a time), except for the very Betsy-Johnson-ish Betsey Johnson, and the oddly boring Zac Posen (dude needs to stop drawing faces - yikes!). The Badgley Mischka looks pretty, but a bad choice as it would catch on the President's suit, no? Awkward.

I only wish they had let the designers annotate the designs, 'cause except for Mizrahi and Chado (whose writing is impossible to read), they don't tell us what the intended fabrics are or what the detailing would be.

Anyhow, the Jason Wu dress she chose is growing on me. I would really like to see it up close once it's at the Smithsonian. I didn't love it initially, but I didn't dislike it either. It's just fun to imagine what might have been. Too bad the other runners-up (who actually submitted dresses) aren't able to publish their designs, too - that would be a memorabilia program I would buy!


One last thing: I wish people would lay off Aretha's hat! I thought it was bold and suited her. The grey was dignified, the bow was out there, and the crystals were celebratory. I thought it was kind of cute and very her. It seemed to reference the history of African-American women's church hats and royalty, - and she is the Queen of Soul, is she not?

Photo courtesy of Mr.Song Millinery.

Misc Pcs

Isaac Mizrahi has a great site worth exploring. He's got webisodes (Watch Isaac), several blogs (including a video blog), and lots of links to his collections, inspirations, etc. He's just designed a very cute collection for Liz Claiborne too.
*
Who is the young woman in the new Oasis video, Falling Down? (That's a link to the NY Mag embedded video. You can go to Myspace to see it, too.) She's fab. Looks a little like a blue-eyed Jewish Penelope Cruz at certain angles. Anyhow, I'd be surprised if her career didn't pick up after this - though she may already be famous in England, for all I know.
*
Really, it's too risky for celebs to sing live?! I find this incredibly insulting to both performers and audiences. First of all, if I had the God-given talent to sing, I'd be much more afraid to screw up the lipsynching than to actually sing. Seems like you're adding on a whole unnecessary skill-set with lipsynching, no? I just don't understand why this has become acceptable practice. If the audience is willing to listen and then applaud your performance, shouldn't you give them something to legitimately applaud? It defeats the whole point of a performance and insults every performing artist who has gone before you on their own talent. Arrrgh.

Wishlist

I want to go see this Valentina exhibit in New York for Valentine's Day!

Then I'd catch this off-Broadway play, Becky Shaw. (Off-Broadway tix half-price from Feb. 15 - March 1st!) I'd hop on over and see this Raymond Chandler discussion/exhibit too. I love pulp, I love noir, I love photography, and I couldn't get through "The Big Sleep". This way I would get to hear les smarty-pantses talk about it. I'd go even though Jonathan Lethem will be speaking. The only book of his I've read is As She Climbed Across the Table, which has prevented me from reading anything else he's written.

But before all this - and this is the biggest wish - I would jet on over to Paris and see Dita at Le Crazy Horse! Starting at only 100 euros and including a half-bottle of champagne! (Except at 100 euros, why can't they give me a full-size bottle?!)

Since I'm wishing anyway, I'll throw in some Bulgari jewels and some chocolate bars. Oh heck, and these too. But in the green suede. I couldn't find a photo or I'd make a shrine post it.

Speaking of wishes, shouldn't the tooth fairy revisit us all in our old age? Just an idea.

Changes

Yup, I changed the font size, your eyes do not deceive you. I'm just too blind to read my own blog with its stylish teensy-weensy font. Let me know if you hate it, I'm susceptible to public opinion.

Police Procedural Research

I'm writing a mystery novel and have just started a short story that includes the police too. The problem is everything I know about police procedure comes from television or from pulp novels circa 1952.

Luckily, Lee Lofland has written Police Procedure and Investigation: A Guide for Writers. He also has a blog called The Graveyard Shift about police matters and writing, including interviews with published authors, agents, and editors.

Cops 'n' Writers is a consultation service that might also be worthwhile, if I had an advance from a publishing house (and if the cops in my writing were American).

At least the research books and the consultation could be claimed as expenses at tax time.

Writers Write also has an article stuffed with links on internet law enforcement resources. I haven't checked any of the links yet, but even the titles make good starting points.

Fabulous links and a way better layout can be found here at In Reference to Murder. This amazing site is put together by a mystery writer/librarian - check out his/her homepage and blog, too!

Lastly, keep in mind the various yahoo groups and forums you can join to glean info from people. I was part of a gun group on Yahoo for a while that was an offshoot (pun!) of a firearm training school (hello, CSIS!). Although I eventually left 'cause I just didn't need that much information, if I ever did need more info on guns for my writing, I'd go back. The people there have access to a lot of professional, technical, and firsthand info and experience that would take me much longer to amass on my own.

I only know one police officer, and I don't want to wear out my welcome by pestering her with too many questions, so it's good to have places to read up on the basics first. If you have any of your favourite research links to share (especially for genre writing), please let me know in the comments!

The Magic Pudding links

The Magic Pudding is listed on my profile as one of my favourite books, and I've blogged about it before.

Today I clicked it on my profile and saw a list of other bloggers who also claim it as one of their faves.

One of those people is named Tot Vogel and has a blog called Naked Photographs. It does not contain naked photographs, or rather, photographs of anything naked. It appears to be a memoir.

His first post, The Spoon is quite well-written and compelling - especially with the accompanying print. I googled to see if he was a published writer and found his fascinating Flickr photostream instead - all black and white and many from the '80s.

The fun of the internet lies in creeping around other people's artifacts.

Slumdog Millionaire (Spoiler warning)(Long Post Warning)

I went to see Slumdog Millionaire tonight and for the duration of the film, and right after, I loved it. Will I love it forever? Does it deserve my love? I don't know.

I know one person who didn't like it. We just had an email discussion about it and he said,

"my non-complex reaction to Slumdog was that I just found it boring and badly-directed".

Mind you, he's a director and looks at films very differently than I do. I was not bored during the movie. Even though I usually hate music video-style directing, I really enjoyed the visual energy of SM. The direction - especially the use of music - kept me rapt and tense.

The last time I tried to see the film it was sold out, and I made the racist/ageist comment to my friend that all the old white folk at the condo towers above the cinema were watching it to root for a poor brown guy so they could feel good about themselves. (Yes, as I said, ageist and racist, I know.) This was my only hesitation in watching the film: would I be reinforcing my own stereotypical ideas? Would my feelings of sympathy for "the poor brown guy" protagonist mask some kind of condescension? If I'm going to condescend, I'd rather be aware of it and upfront about it.

It's hard for me to unravel all the potential angles on Slumdog. Is it cultural appropriation? I haven't read the book ("Q&A") by Vikas Swarup, but according to this review, I don't think Danny Boyle strayed very far from the original story. Also, I get really bitchy when people narrow down the ownership of a story, so I would not bash Boyle's telling of this story just 'cause he's white. (Or looks white, anyhow.)

Does this film make me feel better because it represents the avenues for a poor person to escape the slums? No. I don't think it does represent any avenue to escape the slums. It's fantasy, as evidenced by the emphasis on "destiny" in the film. The movie doesn't even preach about education (which I expected it to). It is a fantasy of justice, in a way - though all the rupees in the world won't wipe your childhood trauma nightmares away completely - but I think it is mainly a fantasy about love.

As for whether the film assuages some sort of guilt in me, again, I'd have to say no. I know nothing of the slums of India and do not feel particularly culpable about them. Because I am a bleeding-heart capitalist, my guilt is more focused on whether or not to buy blouses made in China, and how much the workers and the silkworms suffer for them. India is a democracy with a billion people and there are enough people on the ground, so to speak, to deal with the slums. I wouldn't even know how to help India's poor if that was at the forefront of my mind. (Maybe via CARE?)

Do I feel guilty being a white (or white-looking) tourist? No. Those depictions of white tourists were as awkward/potentially offensive as any other depictions in the movie, and yet, I've seen unbelievably idiotic tourist behaviour on my travels, so it's not that weird.

I think people resent having their emotions manipulated, and I think this holds for SM, but having my emotions manipulated is why I go to movies (and engage in art, theatre, music). Yes, my emotions were manipulated by the adorable child actors and by the brutality they endure and survive. Yes, I probably would feel less if they weren't as cute. Armond White, the notoriously independent critic notes,

Over-stimulation crushes feeling; Boyle only evokes sentimentality. His cast of child actors is overly cute—for easy sympathy and for automatic horror when they’re shown being mutilated by adults who run a beggar/prostitution underground.

Does director Danny Boyle evoke sentimentality? Sure. But I didn't feel emotionally swindled. Whatever you think of Jamal the "slumdog", you're not viewing him in a vacuum. India - better educated, richer, poorer, average, honest, and cruel is all around him. Just because the slums include colourful saris doesn't mean I will infer that the slums are fun. I didn't think that was Boyle's intention, anyhow.

I've also read comments online suggesting that the film romanticizes rising out of poverty, but why shouldn't it? What is the alternative? (I ask that sincerely - feel free to respond in the comments.) Is "The Shawshank Redemption" any less uplifting because its portrayal of prison is practically rustic and cozy compared to a modern prison? Should "The Princess Bride" come with a disclaimer that true love has never been verified and that death is rarely reversed?

Jamal's actual arc is to rescue a fair maiden, and he is qualified because he is pure of heart. His gifts or tokens or mentors (which I take to be the answers at the game show) all emerge from past traumas. If he had been motivated by money, he would not have continued the game to the end, and in fact, he would have been his brother (who chooses or is destined to a mobster life).

It seems to me that Jamal already overcame his past in his actual job as a chai-wallah at the call centre. I do not mean to condescend by suggesting that this is an easy job or a fun one, but it beats every other job he had in the film*. And let's face it, would I watch a film about a chai-wallah with a brutal childhood who slaved for years on a meagre salary at a soul-killing job, forever pining about the lost love of his life? Movies that are realistic and leave me worried are important too, but I can't watch The Death of Mr. Lazarescu every day. It is more fun for mainstream me to watch Jamal win the girl and live happily ever after.

It's possible that I've been primed to love this story because one of my favourite books as a young girl was "A Little Princess" by Frances Hodgson Burnett. It is a classic riches-to-rags-to-riches Edwardian melodrama. It has allowed me for years to fantasize that I too could behave with dignity in sudden poverty, that I could remember the best of humanity even while facing the worst, and that I could keep my heart soft and open if life got hard. Is it true? Probably not. But in my mind, this is what "happy ending" stories are for - little crumbs of hope*. Yes, I'll feed my future kids stories of love and justice, in case they face a day when it's all they have to put on their bread. I hope I'll be able to keep them in Nutella, though.

Other criticisms of Slumdog Millionaire are here (on story), and here (on fair compensation controversy).


*Mind you, I'm soft about work. My mother reminds me that when she started working at 15, it didn't matter what the job was, they just needed money. She always speaks of work like that - in terms of being the best you can be at anything you do, and having a good attitude - and she's been working for 55 years.
** And hope, even as an abstract concept, is nothing to sneeze at.

Who am I and what do I write - Part III

Wandering Jews? is part of this year's Limmud, a festival of Jewish learning and culture.

"Wandering Jews?" looks like it grapples with some of the questions I raised in my previous posts, in terms of identity in the writing of Jewish writers. The seminar, however, will focus more on "place" and what is "home" and how or whether Judaism informs the idea of home in a Jewish writer's work.

The panelists are Adam Sol, Sidura Ludwig, and Rebecca Rosenblum.

Limmud (which means "learning" in Hebrew, I think) takes place on Sunday, February 15, 209. This particular seminar goes from 4:35PM–5:45PM. Maybe I'll see you there.

Contests, Conference, Confidence

Some contests and a conference:

1) Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. It is open to residents of Canada - yay!

2) The 2009 Stella Kupferberg Memorial Short Story Prize
This has one awesome requirement: Your story must have a title
AND
One potentially difficult requirement: Submit a single short story that contains a surprise

Initially, I thought, well, EVERY short story contains a surprise, but no, they don't. What do they mean by "surprise" anyhow? Can it be about a surprise, or must there be some kind of twist ending? I say, harrumph. This contest has a $10 entry fee and is hosted by one more thing to love about NY - this website.

3) The New York Round Table Writer's Conference is open for registration. They max out at 200 writers, so register early if you are thinking of going. The conference is put together by The New York Center for Independent Publishing, Gotham Writers' Workshop, and the Writer magazine. It's not cheap ($350 for two days), but it's cheaper than some, and hey, if it's awful, at least you're in NYC!

Today I got nagged very nicely by someone who told me to submit my work to an agent, already! I do not fully agree that my work is ready - it could stand much improvement, but if I only allow myself to be the judge, how will I ever really know?

R.I.P. John Updike

New York Magazine's culture blog reports on the sad passing of John Updike. He was seventy-six.

Here's a Salon interview with him from when he was sixty-four.

Hollywood Star System

Images, an online film journal, has an interesting essay about the Hollywood star system (from 1910 - 1960) by Brian Gallagher.

It's a bit academic, but very readable - and you can sound all clever at your Oscar party.

Inaugural Balls... and Bats and Dolls and So Much More!

Today I received emails from two separate people on a very similar topic:

The merchandising of Barack Obama.

Not the marketing of the man (and now President) himself, but the merchandising opportunities that his likeness seems to inspire.

One was a link to a commemorative "pop-art" portrait of Obama by a company called Paint Your Life. Mind you, that link might expire 'cause the offer is only good for three days. (!) However, if you can't see the Obama art, you can look at their other "pop-art" examples and imagine just how good the Obama one looked. Art ostensibly in the style of Andy Warhol, but done by handy whore-alls. (Thank you, I'll be here all week.)

The other email notified me that Obama rubber masks - with no discernible likeness to Obama at all - are selling like hotcakes (or mochi?) in Japan.

Which all makes me wonder if I am not missing this amazing opportunity. For change. Small change. Big bucks.

What other completely unappealing products will people be willing to buy to commemorate this presidency? Oh.

But perhaps those are not really gaudy enough? Where are genuine Swarovski crystals?

The artist "14" at Gallery of the Absurd created spoof Obama & McCain dolls during the election, but maybe it's time for one of her Thomas Kinkade/Bradford Exchange spoofs. How about a White House of Light, Obama Family Commemorative 2009 Snowglobe? It would have to have 22K gold accents, real twinkling lights, and red, white and blue parade confetti in a gleaming orb with a solid mahogany-like base!

Who knows? Maybe collectibles will save the economy. You keep buying them (stimulus), you don't throw them away (thrift and ecology), and you show them to your fellow collectors (community-building).

Now, before you get mad, please know that I do have a special place in my heart for all some that is tacky, and I do love the US of A. I just have my limits.

Unfortunately. If I didn't, I could start a tidy little business right about now.

Politics, Not Chocolate

I can't blog in detail about the war Israel is fighting right now, because I become an emotional wreck. I usually avoid politics on this blog, because I am no good at debates (see, "emotional wreck", above), and I am not well-read or well-versed enough to enlighten you on anything.

Usually my mom says, "You must stay on top of the news", but today she said, "maybe you should watch a comedy".

Anyhow, my astute sister has a "sticky" post on her blog, Maspik Teruzim, where she has links to posts from other blogs (like IDF Spokesperson and The Muqata to keep you up-to-date on the Israeli news you do not hear from the mainstream media.

For what it's worth, I was born in Be'er Sheva.


Israeli flag courtesy of 4 International Flags

Chocolate, not Politics

My cousin went to Israel recently and returned with some Elite chocolate-covered biscuits and some Mekupelet chocolate bars for me. Hurray for cousins!

Anyhow, I was particularly cheered by the Mekupelet chocolate bars. (Mekupelet means "folded" in Hebrew.) I hadn't had them for years (even though you can buy mini-versions here) and I wondered how they would stand up to their ubiquitous twin, the Cadbury flake. I naively thought they were the same bar, just licensed by Cadbury or something. Anyhow, I am not the only one to ponder such things, because blogger Marcos Kirsch has an entire play-by-play adjudicated comparison.

It is hilarious (especially if you are familiar with both bars):

A small crumble bounced into my eye causing temporary discomfort. I bet you’ve never had chocolate in your eye and I don’t care if the Cadbury marketing drones spin this crumbliness as a good thing. It’s a freaking hazard.

בתיאבון (Bon appetit)!


I can't believe I didn't have a "chocolate" tag already!

Who am I and what do I write - Part II

In my last post I discussed whether I should "write what I know" in reference to my Judaism, and I posed the question, "What are my stories?".

Here is another look at an answer.
The problem with "my stories" is that I am reticent to claim ownership. Are they really mine?

They are my parents', my aunts' and uncles', my grandparents' stories. Do I ask for them and begin tape-recording, listening diligently? And then what? Would I have what it takes to shape them with the respect and finesse they deserve? Why do it? Can I give my relatives back their own memories? Would I be a writer or a ventriloquist?

Would I be honouring my genealogical history or exploiting my family for material?

I would guess that to a storyteller in the oral tradition, like Dan Yashinsky, stories can belong to one person (or group), but can be told by anyone as long as they are told faithfully. He is quoted as saying,

"Stories show you that other people have traveled before you," he says. "They show you that no matter what is happening in your life, someone else has gone there before you. Someone else has been there, come back, and at least has a good story to show for it."

Some of these stories (like those of my family) have already been told by writers like Andree Aciman in Out of Egypt, Hisham Matar in In the Country of Men, and Lucette Lagnado's The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit. Aciman's memoir beautifully and painfully renders Alexandria and the expulsion of Egypt's Jews, and Matar (whom I have not yet read), tells of the fear of his (non-Jewish) family during Khadafi's rise to power. Lagnado relates the contrast of her father's dashing life in Cairo society till Nasser's rise, and the cost on the family of delaying their departure from Egypt.

Some of my own childhood feels "told" in the first story (about Russian Jews in 1980s Toronto) in Natasha and Other Stories by David Bezmosgis. What my parents may have felt upon their arrival to Canada was projected so intensely on top of my own memories that I found it hard to breathe.

If I am to record the stories I have heard all my life, I must do it soon. These inherited stories are not mine directly, but I am free to try and preserve them or keep them in trust for future generations.

My friend, an Egyptian Christian (Copt), who introduced me to "Out of Egypt" says that even though it is not exactly his story, nothing comforts him and takes him back to his youth like the description of old Alexandria in the novel.

Maybe I won't know who the stories belong to until they are read.

Who am I and what do I write - Part I

When I visited my sister in Kansas the week before last, we went to services at a synagogue she was thinking of joining. I met a women there who ran a book group that focused mainly on books with Jewish themes.

"Are there any Jewish themes in your writing?" she asked.

"No," I said. "But I don't know why not."

*

If I'm supposed to write what I know, shouldn't I be writing... Jewish?
What are my stories? I am not a product of Ashkenazi Montreal in it's heyday - that incubator of Jewish literature. I am a transplanted Israeli, who came of age and happily assimilated in Canada. I can't (or won't) throw around "Bubbie" and "Zaidi" with any authenticity, and I don't want to be writing some kind of Jewish schtick. (Which, when I tried to read Goy Crazy on the recommendation of a friend, found that I couldn't choke down the first page. Sorry.)

*

So far, I have worked on chick-lit, YA, mystery and short stories. There is nothing overtly Jewish about any of the writing I've completed, and it would be far-fetched to say there are any "hidden" Jewish themes.

I don't want to create grotesque stereotypes, but I don't want to create two-dimensional Jews either. (In this 2003 article by Kera Bolonik , Grace from Will & Grace is lauded as a positive Jewish character on TV, but I had no idea the character was Jewish till the words "bat mitzvah" flew out of her mouth one day. I see Bolonik's point, but I always found Grace's Judaism superficial.)

Howard Engel's detective, Benny Cooperman, on the other hand, believably goes to his aging parents' house for Shabbat dinner, and reads like an authentically-drawn character whose Judaism is a fully integrated part of him.

As I've worked on this post I wonder if my problem is with my protagonist's name. If she is Jewish, then I've given her an Ashkenazi name: Mara Liefe. This means that I've set myself up for writing out of ignorance (or relying on popular representations of Ashkenazi culture to a large degree). Giving her a Sephardi or Mizrahi last name might allow me to create a more realistic Jewish protagonist - I could truly write what I know.

For now, as I revise structure and plot, this is a moot point, but soon Mara will have to leap off the page and into an agent's (or publisher's) heart. I will need to figure out whether writing Mara Jewish will make her a stronger character - or me a better writer.

Update

Last week I went to Kansas to visit my sister. Hurray for sisters and God bless America (and Boxing Week sales). Came home. Caught a cold. Stayed home for three days. Went out today to see humans and go to the library.

One day I will write a post about how much I love libraries, but today is not that day. I took out a book about cooking with your toaster oven. I am a big fan of toaster ovens, but that deserves a separate post too. A toast post. (I'm hilaaaarious.)

Any writing done?

Finally, yes! One fairy tale written (needs another pass or ten), and five chapters of Novel #1 revised tonight. Hurray!

Otherwise, I'm on a Michael Chabon reading kick, and a Cary Grant watching spree. (You don't really need an html link for Cary Grant, do you?)

As for 2009 - I have no goals, no impressions, no visions, no nuthin'. 2009 is a blank slate. 2009 is so blank it is practically see-through. And that's as deep as I get at 4:00am.

Cate Blanchett in Vanity Fair

Cate Blanchett has another Vanity Fair cover coming out, and it's spectacular.

My friend told me earlier tonight that I should go see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. She said it was very sad, which made me hesitate, but then she said that the sets and costumes for 1930s and '40s New York were breathtaking, and that Cate Blanchett is in a scene in a red dress that I must see - and that pretty much made up my mind.

I do intend to see Waltz with Bashir too, so maybe if I get any writing done tonight/tomorrow, I'll reward myself with both movies. Positive reinforcements all the way!

*
In other news, it's a good thing that clementine season coincides with the chocolate holiday season, or my Ferrero Rocher diet would have resulted in scurvy already.

Childhood Fears

When we moved to Canada, I was in short order introduced to many new and strange and often wonderful things that I had not had as a pre-schooler in Israel. While I never felt that I lacked anything as a child, there were things my friends had that differed from what I had at home. New to me were the Easy-Bake Oven, boxes overflowing with Barbie clothes, an entire shelf of only Dr. Seuss books with matching book-ends, and lastly, the item that will continue to haunt me in my declining years, a Mini Pops record.

For those of you blissfully unaware of the words "Mini Pop" till now, Zoe Hart, a former Mini-Popper herself, explains the Mini Pops.

I don't know if we had the actual show here in Canada, but I do remember terrifying commercials for the records. A childhood friend had one of these records and I remember my discomfort listening to songs like this mutilated Abba Medley. Supe-per-Troop-pe-per. I think that's the exact record my friend had too. I wonder if that records explains my deep loathing for medleys.

Medleys are like Jell-O salads, aren't they? A bunch of things that are decent on their own, but really awful when forced together (i.e. lime jello, berries, cream, marshmallows).

Anyhow, if you hate child pageants, lipstick on underage girls, and songs by Alvin and the Chipmunks, Mini Pops will give you nightmares too. (That's why I thought the whole VF-Miley Cyrus brouhaha was so ridic; she'd been wearing heels and lipstick for way too long already and no one got all righteous about that.)

And if you think I'm employing hyperbole for dramatic effect, you obviously haven't checked the links yet. I really did have nightmares: a blonde 8-year-old Mini Popper threatened to "get me" if I spoke to her boyfriend. I was afraid. You'd have been too.

Ah, the eighties. Good times!

CinePassion!

I bought a CD for Christmas. I know you are thinking, "but you don't celebrate Christmas". True. I didn't buy it for me. I was so fascinated by the CD (by the cover design, and the theme of the disc) that I bought it with the excuse that it was a Christmas gift for someone else. Undecided as to the recipient, however, meant that no one received it, and so today, after letting my conscience off the hook, I unwrapped the CD and put it on. (The wrapping was made of biodegradable cellophane of some kind, which was a plus.) It's great. Sorry I didn't give it to you... but obviously not that sorry!

The CD is by a German quartet called Quadro Nuevo.

This particular CD is their interpretation of melodies from film soundtracks and is called CinePassion.

The themes they cover range from Lawrence of Arabia to The Sixth Sense. I haven't even finished one full play of this CD and I knew I ought to blog about it - it's that good.

Quadro Nuevo's albums are distributed in Canada by Justin Time Records.

Does buying CDs indicate I am an old geezer? I rather think it might.

RIP: Eartha Kitt

My sister just informed me that Eartha Kitt pass away. I caught her rendition of "Santa Baby" earlier today on the radio - I don't know if that was just coincidence, or if they had already announced her passing, but I thought at the time, "ah, nice to finally hear a classic sung by a legend". I have been hearing a lot of newer and more pop versions of carols this year.


She really symbolized fabulousness in ways other posers can only dream of.

One More Chanuka Post for the Night

I guess I'm just extra-festive this year. Maybe it was the glass of Folonari Valpolicella, or maybe I just love these litte gateaux so much, I had to share them with you:

Sandra Avital at Le Petrin made adorable star-shaped pear cakes. They sound much better in French, of course: petits gateaux etoiles aux poires. eyelid flutter

(Ok, so it's not exactly a Chanuka post, but she made beignets for Chanuka too, and the little cakes are Magen David-shape!)

Bon Appetit!

Chanuka Muse

Not only did this evening's fry-up inspire a new short story, but I've just come up with a Chanuka Carol. Sung to the tune of The Twelve Days of Christmas, here is The Eight Days of Chanuka. You'll know how it goes, so just sub in the following.

On the first day of Chanuka, my true love gave to me,
The Essential Paul Simon CD
On the second day of Chanuka, my true love gave to me,
Two sheepskin gloves
and The Essential Paul Simon CD.

Get it? Now sub in:
Eight candles flickering
Seven chocolate coins
Six soufganiot
Fiiiive Goooolden Latkes
Four Coffee Cards
Three French pens

(Two sheepskin gloves - you're singing now aren't you? - and The Essential Paul Simon CD!)

That's it. There are only eight days, you know.

Chanuka - Delicious Any Way You Spell It

First night of Chanuka, and as my parental units did not want to worry about me driving in the GTA's current weather, I stayed home. We said the blessing over the lighting of the candles together over the phone. I also made lazy daisy latkes-from-a-box. (See little photo above?) Delicious!

As for explaining Chanuka, I'll let my copy of Jewish Literacy by Rabbi Joseph Telushkin take it away:

In 167 B.C.E., the Syrian emperor Antiochus set out to destroy Judaism by making its observance a capital offense... A Jew named Mattathias, along with his five sons, initiated a revolt against the Syrian monarch. Three years later, the rebels ousted Antiochus's troops from Palestine.

The Jewish revolutionaries, known as Maccabees or Hasmoneans, regained control of the Temple in Jerusalem, which during the years of Syrian control had been spiritually raped. Antiochus had even arranged for swine to be sacrificed in the Temple. The Jewish troops wept when the saw the Temple's degradation, and immediately resolved to restore it to a state of ritual purity. According to Jewish tradition, they could find only one cruse of uncontaminated olive oil; unfortunately, it contained oil sufficient for only one day. The Jews were very upset because it would take eight days to prepare ritually permitted oil. However, a miracle happened and the small quantity of oil continued to burn the full eight days.

Now we celebrate with fried foods, specifically latkes and soufganiot. Although, if you wanted to add churros and veggie dumplings and rosti to your tradition, I'd be the last to criticize.

Here's my gathering of Chanuka recipes. An unofficial carnival of sorts (since I can't find an actual Chanuka blog carnival to direct you to):


Food Touring from Austin shares Sweet Potato Curry Latkes

Marcy Goldman makes her own version of lazy daisy latkes using a mix & potatoes.

Bureka Boy didn't make latkes, he made Sephardi fritters called Bimuelos. I'm Sephardi and while I'm pretty sure I've eaten those, I've never heard them called bimuelos. Then again, my parents speak Judeo-Arabic, not Ladino. (And as a bonus, his preceding post has a madeleine recipe, which I've been looking for.)

Epicurious taps chef Paul Virant for a simple but good-lookin' latke recipe. The comments on that post are sweet too.

Happy Holidays! Eat! Eat!

Stirring Coffee with Your Thumb

A few posts ago I mentioned that I went to one of the 1001 Friday Nights of Storytelling held at the Innis College Cafe every Friday night.

One woman went up and sang a Pacific Northwestern tall tale/folk song called The Frozen Logger. Wikipedia credits James Stevens and Ivar Haglund with writing it, and it appears that the Grateful Dead and Nick Cave both recorded a version of it.

The version I heard starts:

As I set down one evening in a timber town cafe
A six foot-seven waitress, to me these words did say
"I see you are a logger and not a common bum
For no one but a logger stirs his coffee with his thumb

The rest of the lyrics are on a Canadian ex-pat's blog here.

Go read them, it'll cheer you up.

Books: Waterproof and Travelling in Time

Ambling around the nearest chain bookstore today, I picked up a fabulous story anthology called Poolside for under $5 (that's CAD!). Hemingway, Oates, and Cheever inclus.

It was on the bargain table 'cause the season for poolside reads (in Toronto) is long gone, but what's cool is how much research the publisher put into this niche waterbaby market. The whole book is waterproof . While I do not intend to submerge it, it's great to know that I could read it in the tub with wet thumbs and not warp the pages. The publisher has some tub-specific books out too. Held dry, the pages feel super-smooth, but not laminated or glossy - more like extra-thick prayerbook pages. This is not your toddler's bath book.

The other cool thing I saw - which I could not help but peruse for 20 minutes despite the teeny-tiny print and my burgeoning headache - was the new and huge coffee table book, The New York Times: The Complete Front Pages (1851-2008).

As someone who would spend hours scrolling through (aka procrastinating) on the microfilm of 19th century Toronto newspapers at the Reference Library, the NYT collection (complete with 3 DVD-ROMS) is right up my alley. I say that as a fan of history and ephemera, not necessarily of the NYT (though I will take the Sunday edition if someone buys it and then leaves it at the coffee shop).

The NYT book comes with a moderately useful magnifying thingy too. I read about the shirtwaist factory fire in New York's lower east side, various struggles in the British colonies, the Munich Beer Hall Putsch. The articles on the Stock Market crash of '29 are particularly unnerving in their resonance, as various leaders/experts attempted to reassure the general public that things were not as bad as they seemed.

I find it so difficult to read the news that I often wait a day or three before I can "fill up" on current events. Reading (or watching) the news daily can leave me in a depressive funk or an existential crisis, and neither state is really useful. But reading the news of the past is informative in a different way, and much more "digestible". We already know what happened (and either arrived later or survived it already). We can evaluate ourselves as reporters, readers, skeptics or believers, as we respond to the way the events were reported. In 1941, American Jews were already organizing to call attention (peacefully) to the concentration camps in Germany. A futile effort, but one that stands in contrast to the post-war European mutterings of "we didn't know what was happening".

It would be fun to flip through the book with a better magnifying glass and someone from an older generation and record their memories and impressions.

I didn't look at the NYT's September 11th coverage, but it is included. It would be so fascinating to know how those pages hold up in a hundred years' time.

*
NPR's audio feature on the NYT Front Pages book here.

Faces: Rhinoplasty

My "in-between contracts" times are always much anticipated, as I look forward to writing thousands of words a day. My first week of current unemployment however, I watched six movies and checked 15 books out of the library. Nary a word written. I did, however, have puh-lenty of time to think.

Among my movie rentals was Cabaret, the classic 1972 film. It stars Liza Minelli as the now iconic Sally Bowles, and Joel Grey as the MC. I had heard that this was a star-making turn for Joel Grey (and a coveted role on Broadway) so I was looking forward to it. Grey is extremely talented and carries all his scenes effortlessly. He is so talented that eventually, I could almost stop seeing his nose job.

As I watched, there was a running commentary in my head about the irony. A film about life during the decline of the Weimar Republic and the rise of Nazism in Germany features an actor (nee Katz) who has cut off his nose and changed his name to succeed in showbiz.

In general, I hate nose jobs. As a Jew, this is enmeshed with my identity, with growing up, and with coming to terms with my nose. While not particularly large, it was still never a "button" or "perky" or "fine" or whatever other terms describe the schnozz en vogue. It has a slight but definite curve. It took time and and maturity for me to accept it as is - and also (not to be too melodramatic) to love it; to see it as not just my nose, but "this much mom's and that much dad's".

I looked up to women who "owned" their big noses: Rossy de Palma, Anjelica Huston, Paloma Picasso. (And people can criticize Sarah Jessica Parker and Bette Midler and Barbra Streisand all they want, but I'm telling you, these women would look dreadful with nose jobs.)

A poor rhinoplasty does more than take away a person's heritage; an obvious rhinoplasty (like any obvious plastic surgery) defeats the purpose of the surgery by drawing attention to the altered feature. It messes up the proportions of the face. The space between the nose and the lip, the ergotrid, often looks too long; the philtrum (the little divit under the nose) looks too deep or oddly angled, and the brow and chin seem too heavy, unbalanced by the smaller or too-small nose.

Not only is Joel Grey's nose too small for his face, it is also dated. It looks like an old fashioned '80s-style nose job, when it seemed that the only nose template available was Michelle Pfeiffer's (which looks great on her, btw).

The new/old style nose was recently a blogosphere topic when NY Magazine's New New Face article came out. Jonathan Van Meter wrote of prominent plastic surgeon du jour, Dr. David Rosenberg:

"Rosenberg is also subtly shifting the shape of the New Nose... The nose on the New New Face is strong and architectural and straight. Neither flared nor pointed. More Greek than Roman.''

As many problems as I have with plastic surgery on principle, I am grateful that nose styles have changed. It's sad that most plastic surgeons seem to have very little artistic or esthetic sense, however, and that it all came too late for Joel Grey's daughter.

Joel Grey's daughter's name is Jennifer. You may remember Jennifer Grey from her star-making turn as "Baby" in 1987's Dirty Dancing. She had a nice career already in swing when she opted for a rhinoplasty. This notorious nose job resulted in a well-known name with a suddenly unrecognizable face. For an actress this was a disastrous turn and she could not get any work for years. I can't help but wonder how much influence was papa's nose? Did he make any "suggestions" for succeeding in the biz? Did she feel self-conscious that her nose didn't look like mom's or dad's?

When a parent alters him- or herself permanently, they are essentially saying to their child, "This part of me - and therefore, of you - is wrong". I always think that if I could afford permanent laser hair removal I would do it. But then I wonder what would happen if I had a daughter? What would I tell her when she hit puberty? "No, no, dear, hair is natural, it's normal, it's a healthy part of growing up. I just paid lots of money to remove mine forever, but you're beautiful"? It's not as if society won't bash her over the head with what's "attractive" and "desired" - is it really fair for mom to be part of the pressure?

Of course, one plastic surgeon came up with a partial solution. He wrote and self-published My Beautiful Mommy, a children's book to help kids deal with their mother's plastic surgery. This made the news and hit the blogosphere last April. Jezebel.com noted "It's unclear why the mother also chooses rhinoplasty, but she does tell her daughter that the nose will appear "different, my dear—prettier!". Sadly, the "pre-op" mom, illustrated Disney-style, is so unique and so much more interesting as a cartoon than the "post-op" mom. There is no value placed on "unique", though.

I enjoyed Cabaret - the direction, the songs, the performances. Michael York's acting even allowed me to forgive him Logan's Run. Best of all, though, is Liza Minelli's yet unaltered Sally Bowle's face; her giant eyes surround by quirky make-up and a unique coiff - a last hurrah before fascist brutality - and homogeniety - take over.

**
Extra notes:
Diversity on the human genome here at Scientific American
Truly heinous Nazi children's story (note the Jewish nose details) here from the Univeristy of the West of England Genocide Documentation Centre.

Quentin Blake Speaks!

As you may or may not have noticed, I've changed up the side links a bit. I've also added "Look/See" - which is a splapdash compilation of art and illustration links.

I don't know why I never looked for Quentin Blake's official site before, but it's terrific. There is a part of his site called Fossicking. (I guess it's an original Quentin Blake word for fossils/relics?) He picks something lesser-known from his 60-year-long portfolio and shares it.

What's even better, though, is that he includes an audio track(!!!) and speaks his notes (or in today's case, reads from the book he's illustrated). I would even understand if Blake had no website - he is successful enough not to need one. However, to go ahead and create one, and then go above and beyond the call by adding audio? Audio on an illustrator's site? This is truly a surprising and delightful way to create a presence on the internet.

(Thanks to the Graphic Bandit for 1/2 the sites on the Look/See list.)

Drafts

I have so many blog posts to finish and research and post. I have stories to write and revise and polish and send. I have magazines to research and courses to consider. I'm not doing any of it at the moment, but since I won't write and do want to post something, here is a photo. It more or less describes where I'm at anyhow. Neither up nor down.



It's an escalator at a subway station in Manhattan.

And yes, that does make it superior to the escalators here. So there.

1001 Nights of Storytelling

1001 Friday Nights of Storytelling this Friday will be hosted by Dan Yashinsky and the stories will be thematically linked to music in honour of St.Cecilia's day.

Can you think of any stories about music off the top of your head? I can't.

Back When Toronto Inspired Illustrations

So the other day I went to my depilatrix and as always, while she yanks out my hair, we chat. She has terrific stories and this time she told me all about her husband's dream, which was truly fantastic. I won't re-tell it here. There was nothing naughty about it, but it's not my story to tell. Anyhow, the dream-story reminded me of Robert Munsch's story, Jonathan Cleaned Up - Then He Heard a Sound or Blackberry Subway Jam.

I re-read my little Annikins version today. (Annikins are and were mini-books "small enough to fit into tiny hands and pockets".)

The story remains terrific and the illustrations by Michael Martchenko are as light and charming as ever.

What surprised me, though, is the amount of nostalgia packed into the book that has nothing to do with the story. It is a fourth edition, printed in 1982. Annick Press, the publisher, was based in Toronto. They were distributed by Firefly Press (still are) - but it was a different time when the distributor's phone number was printed on the back inside cover.

The subway on the front of the book is the old red TTC train that was just being phased out when my family moved to Canada. The streetcar outside City Hall is also an old red car and City Hall itself (in the book) is the one at Bay and Queen - now known as Old City Hall. I would link to photos of old streetcars, but I can't find any. If you're not from Toronto and don't recognize the transit system or the City Hall, it won't matter. The only thing that may date the book for you is the "big shining computer machine" that Jonathan discovers at City Hall. Martchenko's illustration of it with rows and rows of reel-to-reel tape decks is a little quaint.

None of this, however, affects the story. It's still a funny story where moms want living rooms to stay neat, and bureaucrats spend $10 million on things that don't work. The story, 27 years old, remains delightful.

I have also discovered that you can download audio files of Robert Munsch telling stories for free from his website. So you can hear the whole story right now! But you may as well order the Annikin book too. It's only $1.50, and the illustrations are well worth it. Buy a whole bunch and distribute them to children - all those Christmas toy drives are coming up soon!

RIP: Michael Crichton

I did not read Michael Crichton's books, but I'm still shocked and saddened that he's gone.

I'm surprised it took me two days to hear about it.

The one thing I remember about him is what my grade 11 biology teacher told me, which is that Michael Crichton (like my bio teacher) dropped out of med school to pursue writing (and one of his books is about his med-school experience).

According to his official biography on his webpage, this is totally false. He did graduate med school. In fact, his biography is full of over-accomplishment.

But his well-roundedness - in both the sciences and the art/craft of writing is inspiring.

The Royal Agricultural Winter Fair

Cows of all colours? Fowls of all feathers? Giant pumpkins and sheaves of wheat? Yes, yes, and yes! And don't forget the Horse Show and the Super Dogs!

The Royal Agricultural Winter Fair starts tomorrow and I'm excited!

I may go tomorrow if I feel like braving the weekend crowds, or I may go on a weekday evening.

What's the allure? Besides my delusion that I would have made a good pioneer or frontierswoman (blame Laura and Black Creek Pioneer Village), it's a good way to remember how much work goes into feeding you. (And who doesn't need to look at those furry Clydesdale hooves at least once a year?)

I keep one pair of "mucky boots" for just this occasion, as after a visit to the Fair, my boots smell like manure forever.

If you're in the area, you should go!

This post will be much much more convincing once I fill it with cow photos.

More Childhood Books: Encyclopedia Brown

I loved Encyclopedia Brown growing up.

He was a good kid. Smarter than the grown-ups, unafraid of bullies, and his best friend was a girl. Actually, I forgot that his best friend was a girl till I re-read one of the books last night. The mysteries hold up well (and I even remembered some of the solutions - not solved, but remembered from when I was nine or twelveor whatever). The dialogue is a little dated, but that's a positive rather than a negative. The metaphors are funny; the sarcasm child-like and not obnoxious.

This part shocked me however:

On Tuesday, business was slow all morning till Elmo Thomas came in.
"Mothers," he grumbled. "They don't understand kids."
"That's no way to talk," protested Encyclopedia.

Sure, as children, we often feel our parents' decisions are unfair, but Encyclopedia's defence of parents and grown-ups in general is so rare, that it made me pause and re-read the dialogue - and notice how mild Elmo's complaint is. (Compare it to the way child 'sass' has been depicted in books, tv shows, and film since the 80s).

Philip Pullman has said that it's easiest to write a kid's story with an orphan as the protagonist, because parents just get in the way. I think he's right, and it's something that most writers intuit quite quickly (unless the parents are part of the story, or must be there to provide a safe haven for the end). When a child is the hero of the story, parents are usually absent (negligent/deceased/ill/in a parallel world):

• Sarah in "A Little Princess" - orphan
  
• Mary in "The Secret Garden" - orphan
• Lyra in "The Golden Compass" - orphan in the sense that her parents are not her guardians nor are they known to her
  
• Will in "The Subtle Knife" - only child to an ill single mother and long-lost father - in modern child psychology, Will would be considered "parentified"
  
• Huckleberry Finn - under guardianship of Widow Douglas and then later escaping a neglectful alcoholic father
• Harry Potter - perhaps the most famous children's lit orphan of our time
• Pippi Longstockings - living alone with her horse and her monkey; father lost at sea
  

There are many more that escape me now.

I guess I'm so familiar with a children's lit character having no parents, that I found Encyclopedia's respect for grown-ups incredibly sweet and startling.

The Encyclopedia Brown books are written by Donald J. Sobol and have been in print since the late '60s.

Addendum: How did I forget Oliver Twist?!

El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de la Porciúncula

One of the more interesting opinions I've read about Los Angeles is here at BLDGBLOG, an architectural blog by Geoff Manaugh.

I don't disagree with him either. The irony is that you have a city that "doesn't care" what you do, populated by people in entertainment, who are all desperate to have you care.

325 days of sunshine a year can only stave off certain kinds of depression.

Library Thing?

I don't know what Library Thing is, but I'll find out and report back.